When Keeping the Peace Costs You Yours

What happens when listening to yourself means being willing to let other people hear you too?

Something very small annoyed me this week.

Actually, if I'm honest, quite a few small things have annoyed me this week. 😂

Nothing dramatic. Just ordinary situations where somebody wanted or expected something from me, and I found myself thinking...

No.

In one situation, I actually said it.

The other person wasn't particularly happy about that. They asked again, clearly expecting a different answer, and I could feel that familiar awkwardness creeping in.

You know the one. Somebody isn't happy with you, the atmosphere changes slightly and suddenly it feels much easier to just do the thing than deal with the discomfort of not doing it.

So I gave in.

It wasn't a big deal, but afterwards I realised why I was annoyed with myself.

I hadn't changed my mind. I'd changed my answer.

Not because I suddenly wanted to do it, but because I wanted the awkwardness to go away.

Then a few days later something similar happened. This time I disagreed with something and said so. The other person didn't agree with me, didn't particularly like what I'd said and didn't change their mind.

And I let them not like it.

That was the bit that felt different.

I'm beginning to notice how often I've confused keeping the peace with being easy to be around.

I've always been naturally helpful. If I can sort something out for someone, I usually will, and I don't want that to change.

But there is a point where being helpful quietly becomes being expected to help.

I don't want to stop being generous or helpful. I just want it to remain something I choose to give, rather than something other people learn to expect from me.

And perhaps I've been confusing two other things too.

There's choosing not to make an issue out of every little thing because it really doesn't matter to you.

Then there's keeping quiet because you don't want to deal with somebody else's reaction if you tell them what you actually think.

They're not quite the same.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about all the planetary activity around the 12th and the themes that kept appearing around it — trusting your intuition, being honest about what matters and new beginnings.

Well, apparently my response to all that cosmic encouragement has been to become considerably less willing to keep my mouth shut. 😂

I'm not entirely sure that's what the planets had in mind, but here we are.

And it does fit rather neatly with what I've been writing about lately.

We've talked about coming home to yourself, hearing your own voice amongst everybody else's and learning to trust what you hear.

But eventually listening has consequences.

Because once you've heard yourself, there comes a slightly inconvenient next question:

Are you prepared to let anybody else hear you too?

Sometimes they'll disagree.

Sometimes they'll be disappointed.

Sometimes they'd simply have preferred you to say yes.

I'm learning that I don't always have to rush in and make that discomfort disappear.

I can care about somebody else's feelings without making myself responsible for changing them.

And I can still be kind, helpful and generous without making my time, energy and helpfulness automatically available.

Apparently they're not always going to like that.

And apparently I'm beginning to realise I can live with it. 😂

A question to take with you

Where might you be keeping the peace for everyone else at the expense of your own?

Perhaps just notice the next time you hear yourself saying yes when something inside you has already said no.

You don't have to do anything dramatic.

But you might decide to let your first answer stand.

And see what happens.

Continue the Journey

If this Piece has resonated with you, I'd love to continue the conversation.

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with love

Rosy x