Learning to Listen to Yourself Again

I don't think most of us have forgotten how to listen to ourselves.

I think we've become very good at listening to everything else.

Other people's opinions. Messages. Emails. News. Social media. Advice. What we should be doing, could be doing, haven't done yet and apparently need to start doing immediately

There's a lot competing for our attention. And somewhere amongst all of that is us.

I was thinking about this after catching myself doing something I've done more times than I care to admit.

I had something on my mind and instead of sitting with it for a while, I started asking other people what they thought.

One opinion became two. Then there were different perspectives to consider and different possibilities I hadn't thought about. None of the advice was bad. In fact, some of it was really useful.

But I wasn't any clearer.

If anything, I was more confused than when I'd started.

The funny thing was, once I'd stopped thinking about it and got on with something else, I realised I already knew what I wanted to do.

I'd known before I'd asked anyone.

When did we stop asking ourselves first?

There's nothing wrong with asking someone else what they think. I do it all the time, and another person's perspective can help us see something we've missed.

But there's a difference between asking because we want another perspective and asking because we don't trust our own.

I think I've done both.

There have definitely been times when I've kept asking until somebody finally gave me the answer I wanted. Which, when you think about it, rather gives the game away.

I knew what I wanted. I was looking for permission.

And I wonder how often we all do that without realising it.

We look outside ourselves for confirmation. We wait for somebody else to agree. We search for another answer because the one we already have feels inconvenient, uncomfortable or difficult to explain.

After a while, listening to everybody else can become such a habit that we don't even think to ask ourselves first.

Listening isn't only about the voice in your head.

This is the part I've been thinking about more recently.

When we talk about listening to ourselves, it can sound as though we're supposed to sit somewhere in silence and wait for a wise little voice inside us to announce the answer.

I don't think it always works like that.

Sometimes we think an answer.

Sometimes we feel it.

Your stomach tightens when you're about to agree to something you don't really want to do. You feel exhausted after spending time with someone, even though nothing obviously happened. You walk into one place and immediately want to leave, while somewhere else makes you want to stay.

You might notice yourself holding your breath without knowing why. Or perhaps the opposite happens and you suddenly take a huge breath out.

Sometimes there's excitement. Sometimes relief. Sometimes irritation that keeps returning no matter how many times you try to talk yourself out of it.

We receive information about our lives in more ways than we probably realise.

The problem is that we're often so busy thinking about what something means that we miss the fact that we felt something in the first place.

Your body is part of the conversation.

I've become much more interested in this through the healing work I do.

The body responds.

Breathing changes. Muscles tense or relax. Emotions appear unexpectedly. Something that seemed insignificant can suddenly feel very significant indeed.

That doesn't mean every ache, feeling or reaction contains some great message we have to decipher.

But I do think it's worth noticing.

Because perhaps learning to listen to yourself again isn't about finding one perfect inner voice that always knows exactly what to do.

Perhaps it's about becoming more familiar with you.

How you feel when something is right for you.

How you feel when it isn't.

What drains you. What brings you back to life. What you keep thinking about. What you keep avoiding. What you say yes to while something in you is screaming no.

And what happens when, for once, you stop asking everybody else long enough to notice your own response.

Start paying attention

You don't need to make any big decisions after reading this. In fact, I'd rather you didn't turn listening to yourself into another job to do properly.

Just start noticing.

The next time you're about to ask somebody, What do you think I should do?, see if you can catch yourself before you ask.

What do you think? And then go a little further.

What happens in your body when you consider one choice and then the other? Does anything change? Your breathing? Your shoulders? Your stomach? Your energy?

You don't have to explain it or decide whether it's significant.

Just notice it.

Because the more familiar we become with our own responses, the easier it becomes to recognise them when life gets noisy.

Maybe we haven't forgotten how to listen to ourselves after all. Maybe we just haven't been listening to all the ways we answer.

A question to take with you

What have you been trying to think your way through that you might understand differently if you paid attention to how it feels?

Continue the Journey

If this piece has resonated with you, I'd love to continue the conversation.

My free Sleep Sanctuary guide shares three Dreamtime rituals to help you unwind, sleep more peacefully and create more space to reconnect with yourself.

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with love

Rosy x